A triad of blessings

Today's given task is to: BE MORE THOUGHTFUL Think about what might make someone happy, then do it!

I read the task before I went out to work, I planned what I was going to do (which involved pension schemes, not guaranteed to make everyone happy, but a good idea for one particular colleague) and failed to get time to do it.

Instead the person being made very happy by the thoughtfullness and understanding of others was me.

 The last person to show understanding and to earn my gratitude was very keen on triangles, and it's true that good things often come in threes, so I'll start with number 1.

At the top of my understanding triangle is my friend Bev Mattocks. I am 3/4 of the way through her book and it is simply brilliant. Although excellently written it makes for hard reading. It's not an easy story, but it's one that is SO familiar. Anyone can (and the newspapers often do) put up a few pictures of emaciated people and say they are writing about eating disorders. There are plenty of first person memoirs by sufferers available, some inspiring, some saccharine sweet, some far too graphic for my tastes. Professionals have written general descriptions from the dry and medical to the flowery and fanciful. But I have never read a better book for describing what it is like to watch helplessly as a loved one is taken over by the beast that is an eating disorder. It isn't just the food. It's the spending hours persuading, cajoling and physically transporting the person to school only to be rung up half an hour later to be asked to take them home again. It's the waiting expectantly, almost excitedly for an appointment only to come out after it wondering if anything has happened at all. It's the awful times of false hope followed by crushing disappointment. It's the guilt, the shame, the hope, the burning love for the person who is hurting so much but just cannot accept your help even if you do have a clue what might be of help.  The book may be too upsetting for some sufferers and their families but it should be compulsory reading for anyone working within the field just to give them SOME idea of what it is really like while waiting on the waiting list and in between the 50 minutes a fortnight therapy sessions.

The second angel of comfort was a medical student. I am ALWAYS comforted by the medical students I meet at work. Every single one of them has in some way or another given me hope for the future of the NHS. This one is extra-special in as much as she has given me hope for the future of those bits of the NHS I care about particularly passionately.

The third was the lady with the triangles - lots of triangles. You probably have actually to be there to fully appreciate Olga Bogdashina Her books may be excellent and I'm definitely going to give one or two of them a go, but her public speaking is superb. As she promised, within two minutes we'd forgotten that her accent is thick and were attuned both to how she was speaking and what she was saying. She presented so clearly and with so much understanding the barriers that may occur between parent and child, between parent and professional who all need to work together but who all have such difficulty understanding each other.  O for the day when a speaker can talk to a mixed group of carers, patients (for want of a better word) and professionals about eating disorders in such a genuinely collaborative and understanding way.

You're welcome....

"Be more welcoming, invite someone you don't know very well round for tea"

Hmmm - I didn't read this until 8pm so too late for today, but really?

Could be awkward

Could be bloomin horrible for the person who we don't know

but why?

Just being IN to make tea rather than my coming in late, and having enough food to share however many, or few, at the table, and being confident that it would really be all OK would be a challenge. Then again just because the Love Life Live Lent booklet comes in pastel colours and a handy format doesn't mean Lent isn't supposed to be challenging. Time to make some changes so that this might be a possibility.

Five Minutes Peace

Was all I had to do today for Lent - spend five minutes sitting still listening to my own breathing.

Unlike Mrs Large in the children's book, I don't have children pestering me every minute of the day, and there were quite a few times when I could have chosen to take my five minutes, but I did have to find a quiet spot. I found the ideal one - my dear old car which also doubles as a playroom, a performance venue, a racing car simulator, a teaching aid, a classroom and a place for live worship - and that's just for the god-children when it's standing still outside the house. She goes in for her second chance at an MOT on Thursday - if she doesn't pass she is going to be very sorely missed.

another swapping day

The task today is to make a cake to share with friends, but we'd already planned to do that tomorrow so today has been a day off Love Life Live Lent to do an Easter activity because every Sunday is a little Easter. The Easter-tide activity of the day has been spring cleaning, which isn't exactly holy, or relaxing, but needed doing.

The Power of Positive Thinking

I've had a couple of occasions today to remember my husband's comment on CBT, most particularly on this book. 

It's ironic really, in a week where my irony levels have already been dangerously high, that once was when a friend wondered on the basis of good evidence whether it would be a good match, and the other was when another friend declared that it definitely was.

His summary? "750 pages of pull-yourself together".

He's not a fan. I can see why and if ordinary, sit down and make a list and work out where your errors are so that you can counteract them CBT wasn't bad enough , there's CBT-E where you sit down and make a list of what you've eaten and how bad you feel about it and are able to challenge those feelings, or not!

So, evidence-based and everything else, if lists of negatives aren't for me yet, and may never be for mine, what about a nice little list of positive things.

Todays challenge is to THINK MORE POSITIVELY Make a list of the good things in your life and thank God for them.

It could be twee. It could be  truly revolting. It could be a very short list. But I'm going to give it a go and make it into something I like.

Slow Down, Not So Fast

A truly sensible one today I think - slow down, take more time. I can't take more time over breakfast because I'd already eaten it by the time I read the task but I will try to take more time over other day to day tasks and do them more thoughtfully.

Time to torture the family?

Today's challenge to ask someone how they are and then really listen sounds very worthy, very suitable, very kind. I do have a problem with it though. Being asked "how are you?" might just about be OK, but demanding an answer long enough to really listen carefully to might be, to my alexithymic lot, about as welcome as asking them to sit on hot coals.

I could have done it at work but we really wouldn't have had time to talk and listen because, well, we were at work.

 So I'm going to sort of cheat again. I'll ask the question of my nearest and dearest but I won't expect anything in return. While I'm waiting I'll be listening to what people think of the new Pope.

I have listened to my dear daughter's comments on the subject already, and I take them on board. They are not a surprise to me and I know what she means. It's probably going to be quite a time before we get the first openly lesbian pope and much of the anger that many feel about him (and would feel about any likely candidate) is justified. On the other hand I'd also like to listen to the opinions of Catholics living their faith and making it work day to day.

An interesting day.

Happy Birthday to You

Today's task is to take care of friends by remembering their birthdays.

I could add lots of birthdays to my outlook calendar, or join one of the facebook groups that sends out reminders but I'm not that trustful of technology to keep things for more than a year, and since most of my friends only have one birthday a year and I may already have missed it, I'm going to hoik out my elderly birthday book from the desk and start updating it.

It's my mother's birthday on Good Friday, and also that of an old friend, so I know I already have some cards to buy. On the other hand I WILL forget some important occasions so PLEASE don't feel offended if one of them is yours.

I'm going to have to defer on this one

Today's task is to save water.

I really can't think of a way that I can do that today. If I decline to do the washing today it'll just get done tomorrow. Likewise the washing up. It is so piercingly cold that I haven't felt like looking out at the garden let alone saving some of the ice in it. I think all I can do now is seriously investigate the possibility of an extra one of these - but I'm not going to buy one until there's a possibility that installing one won't result in frostbite.

days merging together

The horrible, nasty, bitter cow of which there is at least as much in me as there is horse in a Tesco burger, says that I swapped today's Love Life Live Lent task and did it yesterday.

Today's task is to "Think of others, do a job that others normally do".

Yesterday I was supposed to "have more fun, play a game" but having come over all peculiar at work I came home and played the game of lying down in a darkened room all evening, which is usually done by others (yes, yes, because they usually need to and I'm fortunately usually healthy so don't) in our house.

I WILL try to do a job normally done by others - going to volunteer to do some of the extra deliveries a friend has landed herself with. If I make up a story or try not to walk on the cracks while I'm doing it hopefully it will count as a game and I'll have done yesterday's task today.

easy peasey

today's task to listen to some beautiful music - thanks to Goodinparts I have a piece a day to make my way through.

I have tried to copy them here but have failed, so will have to go back to her facebook page and nick them from there.

Love thy neighbour

If the task was literally to speak to my neighbour, as in my next door neighbour or the people across the road then I failed totally. One of those days rushing around from pillar to post talking to lots of people in lots of places but not at home or nearby. Maybe I can try it tomorrow instead.

Open Wide

The suggested tasks for being more open, trying something new seemed quite easy - eat something different, try a new experience.....

Practically, today I have a lot of the same old same old to do. The run up to Orthodox Lent and Spring and the opportunity to clean the freezer has meant that we've been eating what's there which is chicken, and chicken, and more chicken. The end of the financial year means the same scrabble as last, and the one before, and the one before that to get all i's dotted and all t's crossed in the accounts, the data, the reports. As a volunteer I have to write a report for an online magazine that I've written to before, study minutes and papers for a quarterly meeting which, while vital, is going to be similar to last quarter's, and write an account of how we failed at FBT. Now that's new - NOT!!!

It may be possible, it may even be desirable, in the more distant future, to give up some of the same olds and try something really new, but it would be an enormous decision and not one I can make now or on my own.

At the moment I have to try to maintain the balance between hope and dreams for the future and keeping my head above water for now, so I have googled praying for discernment and found that it may or may not mean asking for help with decisions and that this is one of the prayers about it

God our Father,
You have a plan for each one of us,
You hold out to us a future full of hope.

Give us the wisdom of your Spirit
so that we can see the shape
of your plan in the gifts
you have given us,
and in the circumstances
of our daily lives.

Give us the freedom of your Spirit,
to seek you with all our hearts,
and to choose Your Will above all else.
We make this prayer through Christ our Lord.

 

Trying to actually practice asking for discernment is new, and hard, and sufficiently like going to the dentists for Lent I think. 

 

Bless this house

TAKE CARE OF YOUR HOME Tidy a room or a cupboard in your house

Not too difficult a task, although which one to start on was initially a question. It was one that was soon answered when youngest daughter told me she would be coming here next week with her baby - so it's the big bedroom that's getting tidied in preparation for their visit. Maybe I'll find some lost treasure too. 

Communications

I have vowed this year NOT to drone on about telephone conversations, even in May when I had my worst ever one, so it's probably fitting that I modify today's task a bit.

I am supposed to "Keep in Touch, phone someone you haven't seen for a while". Well I HAVE seen one of my daughters quite regularly, but can't phone her anyway as she's hopeless at keeping a phone. I haven't seen the other one, but her phone signal is terrible and talking that way is pretty frustrating for both parties. I DID phone my mother-in-law yesterday but she has a sore throat so it wasn't fun for her.

Adapting the task seems like a good idea, and fortunately these days there are a lot of alternatives. I've messaged a couple of lovely friends. I've e-mailed others. I attended a meeting in person and hand delivered some of the resulting literature. And tonight I'm going to sit down with some pretty cards from the local newsagents and WRITE. Using the good old Royal Mail is still a pretty effective way of communicating.

In which I, ever so politely of course, tell LLLL to get knotted

The task for today is to do something different, the suggestion being to have a "screen free day". WHAT? Look here archbishop and whoever, MY FRIENDS LIVE IN THE COMPUTER. If I'd had a screen free day I'd have missed all their birthday wishes, and lively debates, and this

I have done some different things today. I've been given cards and presents and I've had wine with my tea. I wore a smart suit to work mainly because I had it out after wearing it for a service on Wednesday and I've had birthday cakes with blue icing from the godchildren. And now I'm going to read a book which I was given by a good friend, but first I might just spend a little more time on line......

Tidy Up Time

Today's task to "make your local area cleaner" by filling a bag with litter was obviously meant to mean that I should go outside and pick up rubbish from the street. If it warms up a bit this afternoon I might just do that, but first of all I have quite a bit to tidy on my desk, some minutes from December for a start....when all that is done I might even tidy up the blog posts here that are hanging around unfinished, on the other hand I might not.....

Present Time

when Love Life Live Lent said that I should give a present to someone it probably meant to a person, but since Parsley the cat started to unravel the hat I was trying to make I knitted him a mouse instead. He doesn't look that impressed but it was fun to make and he may well play with it when he thinks no one is looking.

Making new friends

The LLLL booklets come in assorted varieties suitable for different ages and stages in life. The tweets, which are free and don't involve finding a church that is stocking the booklets, don't. Therefore my instruction today, on the theme of being more friendly, was either to "be friendly with someone new" or "play with someone new". I rather prefer the latter and hope that the couple of new groups of friends I have picked don't mind my joining in their games. As I'm going to watch their play from a distance rather than step in and change it I think we'll do just fine but they seem very friendly indeed and I'm sure if I could join them physically they'd welcome me.

Time to say grace

I read today's Love Life Live Lent task too late to say thank you for my breakfast (cereal and banana) or lunch (couscous) so am now going to say grace before sitting down to fish and chips for tea.

Food! It's sometimes difficult to "consider the lilies" and not worry about it, reflect and not take it for granted, or avoid putting meanings onto it that really aren't there. Best to just say  thank you for it.